Just Give It to Me Straight, Doc
I have been gnawing on something that happened to me recently. This past week, I was the missionary in residence at our church’s day camp. One of the kids, who I know came up and was talking with me. I asked him where he had just come from. “Crafts.” he said. “Oh,” I inquired, “did you make some fun stuff?” “No… the thing we made was kind of dumb.” “Oh, don’t say that.” I said. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I sounded like one of my great aunts, when they used to chide me at his age.
As I thought about it, I pondered why we always tell kids things like that. Kids are born with an innate sense of honesty. They say whatever they think (and often whatever they hear their parents say – often to their chagrin). But over the years, society conditions them to keep their mouths shut. This brain to mouth filter is built up that prevents that brutal honesty. This was one element culture that was even more pronounced in Japan; westerners and crass and blunt by comparison. The question I kept asking myself, was is this healthy? Does our society function smoothly because we can keep our mouths shut, or does a lack of honesty create a lack of authenticity and real relationship skills.
My thoughts went to Ephesians 4. The verses 14-15 address truth, but also fill in another necessary detail.
\\ Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.\\
We must always we dedicated to communicating the truth, but that communication will produce no fruit unless we do it in such a way that it is clear to the other person that we care about their interests. The group Acappella has a song which my wife likes. I think the words of the chorus are a great commentary on the subject.
Are we teaching the truth in love
Telling it like it is
Are we holding pure motives,
Showing that we care
Are we teaching the truth in love
This has been an especially important for Theresa and me this week. We are in the process of discussing ministry opportunities in Japan with our church’s leadership. Commitment to be involved in international ministry at this level is a significant one for our small church both in time and resources. As such, these discussions have had significant points of tension. These have been and hopefully will continue to be handled with honesty, love, and grace. But it’s difficult.
Most of us don’t err in the sense that what we say has neither truth nor love, it trying to appropriately have both that can be the problem. Continue pray for Theresa and me as we interact with our partners and potential partners here in the US as well as future teammates. Pray that we would continue to refine our balance between these two important elements.